The Brotherhood of the Second Cross was established on Father’s Day 2005 where 160 men stood before their wives and children to pledge themselves to purity, self-sacrifice, loyalty, and excellence. Today, hundreds more have joined the commitment.
What gets in the way?
When we set out to be a certain kind of man, what keeps us from it? Many men are determined to be the kind of dad that never misses our child’s ball game or the kind of husband that makes the wife swoon, but somehow life slips away from us and we don’t end up being that guy. What stops us?
Insecurities are a powerful force in a man’s life. From the common fear of failure to the various levels of rejection we try to avoid, insecurities often dominate a man’s inner landscape. We fear not being sufficient, good enough, and valued. We fear being exposed as a failure. We fear losing a job, facing a bill we can’t pay, or finding ourselves in a spot we can’t get out of. Insecurities come in all shapes and sizes and they are the most likely source of our inability to be the man we want to be.
So we stay late at the office trying to measure up to the boss’ demands, prioritizing work over the things we truly want to value. Insecurities control our choices more than we know. Every time we explain to our family that. “I have to…” we are usually explaining a decision driven by insecurities. Sure, there are times when the “have to” really is one, but likely our fears drive such choices more often than we realize–fears that may not be as real as we insist.
Insecurities also drive destructive behaviors. When those feelings become intense, we look for escapes in “liquid courage” or even pornography. The escape allows a man to feel that he is in charge of something, dominating someone, or just stronger than he truly is–for a few minutes. By definition, fantasies are an escape from reality. Usually it’s insecurities that make such an escape appealing.
So how do you deal with those feelings? Well, with God, everything starts with confession. Acknowledging our weakness opens the way for God to begin to help us. Confessing to a trusted friend can also help get the hidden fears out in the open so we can see them clearly.
Once we admit the problem, finding the right help comes next. Choose a path that takes you far from your chosen method of escape. Avoid the opportunities for escape and you’ll force yourself to find healthier ways to deal with your fears.
Learn to trust God’s sufficiency. You may not be able to meet a boss’ demands, but God will provide you with everything you need for life. If you trust Him, He will either show you that you’re efforts are better than you think or that there’s a different door He has for your life. Don’t trust your own view of things. I have a friend who wisely says, You wouldn’t worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.” Likely your insecurities have painted you into a darker room that you really live in.
Always give your best, but make sure you give it to your best relationships first. Don’t let the things that matter most suffer at the hands of other things on your list. Give your best at home and you’ll find the ability to be even better at work. But giving your best at work usually means you don’t have any best left for quitting time.
Don’t let insecurities drive your choices or your behavior. You are God’s man and He has equipped you with everything you need for the life He wants you to live. So trust Him and give your best to becoming the man you always wanted to be.